brainwork

about this horrible weather coming in today. I love feeling stuck. Lots of ridiculous tv shows, work out videos, and junk food. Can’t wait.

should be a place you go to feel safe. I feel like I’m in a warzone. Stop the bossing, the attempts to argue, the bullshit. If you seriously have still not gotten that in all my years of living, that I could seriously care less what you have to say. I’m not listening or soaking anything inside this brain. I think I’m doing pretty fucking great on my own. Shut. Your. Goddamn. Mouth.

1. First off, you’re creepy, straight out creepy. Take all the weird things off of your myspace about us dating last year. Please. Stop crying about it. We were never in “love”, you were too selfish to love anyone else than yourself. Your fault, not mine. Maybe, we could be friends like before if you weren’t so crazy. MAYBE.

2. Seriously? After 3 years, DO NOT come back in my life and tell me that you love me and things could be the same then just stop talking to me, then the SECOND I start dating someone else months later start trying to talk to me. Fuck you. Please, just stay gone this time.

3. I’m so happy that you finally came into my life. You make me seriously the HAPPIEST I have been, ever. Things are completely different with you and I’m so excited to see where this goes. I’m so excited about you.

I want you gone forever this time, and I mean it. I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you.

maybe you could be different.

miss you

I have so many thoughts all the time. Saying I “don’t care” only gets me so far. I can only hide my tears and embarrassment behind my fat fake smile for so long, it’s been too damn long. I’m sick of people saying mean things about me, when I know I’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. I’m sick of going places and people I don’t even know talking shit. I’m sick of everyone having their opinions from me from my ex boyfriends and my old friends. I’m sick of feeling like I should have to explain myself when I know I shouldn’t. I know who I am and what I’ve done. I know that I’m not a bad person, I’m not a bitch, and I know that I have never ever screwed someone over. I have a heart, and I’ve given everything I can to the people that have been in my life. I always put the ones I love first. Not a lot of people can say that and honestly mean it. It’s not fair, and I’m not going to pretend like it is anymore. And even through everything, I still care about you all.

I don’t have a damn person to tell my problems to. So yes, I am this fucking pathetic.

I don’t know what it is, or what you freaking do. I want to rest in your voice for a long time. You’re beautiful.

but shit you all are fucking pathetic.

I just don’t want anything, or anyone. I want to depend on myself for my own happiness. I don’t need a damn thing.